The Art Of Self-Love
January 2, 2022
Life is the classroom.
Self-love is the lesson.
You are your own wisest teacher.
Self-love comes in many shapes and sizes. For me, it can manifest as dancing in front of my bathroom mirror, cooking a batch of peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, and unapologetically spending Friday nights with some feel-good literature. Don’t get me wrong, this type of self-love is super sweet, but the type of Self-love I’m about to introduce you to is much more decadent. I hope this message will uplift you in even the most uncertain, confusing, and lonely moments.
I’d first like to point out the two types of what we call ‘self’. There is the lowercase s self that is of the mind. We can call this self the ego. The self that wants to binge eat green tea mochi in the bathtub (don’t judge it until you’ve tried it) comes from the lowercase self (ego).
The other type of Self is the capital s Self, the Self that is synonymous with the all-encompassing Source of Creation. This Self engages in a type of love that is simple, pure, and forgiving.
Erich Fromm defines love as “The will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth. It is an act of will — namely, an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love, we choose to love. Bell Hooks, author of All About Love says, “Without love, our other efforts to love fail. Giving ourselves love we provide our inner being with the opportunity to have the unconditional love we may have always longed to receive.”
Here is a real-life story about Self-love.
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After moving to a new part of town in San Diego, I organized a yoga class in the park to grow a community. On my way there I felt a bit of tension arise in my chest as I thought “What if no one shows up?” In my mind, I had done everything I needed to ensure a positive turnout. I posted on social media, created a video and link to register on Eventbrite, and texted all my friends. The turnout was going to be great!
After I laid out my mat, I made a quick pit stop in the bathroom. I closed the stall door and in graffiti I could barely see read the following words:
“So many years of education and nobody taught us how to love ourselves.”
I knew this was a sign because my favorite sweatshirt says the exact same thing. What are the odds, right?
I realized that no matter what the turnout was going to be like, this was a lesson for me to let go of the ego and love myself for putting in the work to make it happen…no matter what. I said a quick thank you to the Universe for showing me a sign that I was exactly where I needed to be, took a deep cleansing breath, and walked out with a sense of ease.
It was now ten past the hour, and still, no one. Disappointed and a little embarrassed, I had to question whether or not to pack up and leave or stay and practice. I decided to stay, and I’m glad I did because not even three minutes later I saw my friend Melissa from afar. “There you are!” she said “I’ve been walking all over looking for you!”
We sat together and chatted for a bit then decided to go for a short walk to catch up. I told her about the sign on the bathroom stall door and asked what Self-love meant to hear. She first brought up the time she spent traveling through Alaska in 1995. Story after story stunned me, but two themes stuck out:
1. Trusting in Divine Guidance
2. Intention Setting.
With sometimes only ten dollars in her pocket at a time, Melissa had to trust that she would be given everything she needed as she needed it. Every day she intended to be a source of connection for others. She said, “I would start the day visualizing myself helping someone in some way. Whether by offering an open ear, or accompanying someone on a long car ride, I wanted to ensure that I would be a source of peace that made people feel less alone and more connected.” Making a conscious effort to step out with the intention to be fully present and trusting in her intuition not only brought Melissa to the right people and places but also helped her cultivate a sense of gratitude and self-appreciation that was transformational for her and those she encountered.
“We often think self-love has to be some extravagant event or set of things, but it lies in simplicity”, she said. “I was gone for six months and took only one book - that’s how simple I made my life. From this, I learned that all of the things that I relied on outside of myself were just bonuses to what matters most in life which is to find joy in the company I got to keep with myself.”
I too have found that the greatest form of Self-love comes in learning to love who you are on the inside so much that what you see in the mirror becomes a direct reflection of worthiness. “Exactly. She added “It is also learning to be okay with only having yourself at times and knowing that is enough. Because you are enough.”
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As we continued to walk and talk another miracle occurred. Happening upon one of those cute neighborhood library boxes, Melissa pulled out a book called The Joy Diet and said “Let’s see what Self-love message we can find here!”
She opened the page to a quote that read:
“In the moments when your heart is tired, confused, or broken, when you have no energy to do anything, you’ll naturally turn to what your true self is telling you it needs: Nothing. This is always a step—usually the first step—that will move you away from suffering and toward joy.”
Let’s just say I ended up reading this whole book within a week!
When we wish for things outside ourselves, we must remember that everything we need to be satisfied lies within the heart, where nothing but love resides.
To love yourself is to respect and trust who you are and where you are headed on your journey. Too often that we push away true love through self-imposed pessimism which keeps us in the same place of doubt, denial, shame, and fear. We fail to take chances on ourselves and others because we ponder the probability of worst-case scenarios too soon. The truth is, love through shame, punishment, and blame is not love. True, Self-love is unconditional and without limits. It is courageous, kind, gentle, and acted in accordance with the greater good.
While this story is simply a minor example of how our minds so quickly harden us away from Self-love, it is a gentle reminder to give yourself the grace to trust that you are worthy of giving and receiving love. When we remember that we are love in and of itself, we will learn to live as love rather than looking for it outside of ourselves.
Living as love shows us that in every moment we are all we need to be fully supported and seen and already as alive as the breath in our lungs. You are the one you have been waiting for!
May you be safe.
May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you be at ease and free from suffering.
Prayer of the Day: Dear Divine One, help us to open our hearts to the infinite potential of peace that arises from cultivating Self-love, presence, and unconditional compassion for all circumstances. Aum. Peace. Amen.
